To the Man who didn’t choose me but let me choose myself

It was a really good thing we had going, even if for such a short amount of time. You, with your calming presence and joyous laugh, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for teaching me the art of being patient. For building a foundation of a friendship and showing me how it’s important to get to know someone in the beginning. As a woman I’ve been taught to pounce onto anyone who shows interest even if in my gut I know this isn’t what is best for me. It’s still interest though, right?

My life is a constant slew of, “Are you dating?”, “How do you not have a boyfriend?”, “It’s a shame you’re still single.” This bugs me.

Yes, I cannot wait to find someone to share life with. To sit on the floor and laugh with until 2:00am, to make mundane errands be fun, and to support, love, and be faithful with. This does not in turn mean I have to settle for anything that comes my way just because it is there.

I’ve always given more in relationships than I probably should have. I do not regret this. My goal in life is to make the ones around me feel loved; if that’s what I left you with, my job is done.  Although, I’m worthy of love and effort as well and you, without loving me, showed me just that.

I deserve someone who is going to look at me as though I’m magic. You didn’t do that and for the first time in my life, I realized that was okay. Just because you didn’t look at me like that does not mean someone won’t in my future. You taught me to choose myself instead of choosing another relationship where I carry all of the weight because I’m 23 and if I’m not in love, how shameful.

I am in love. I am in love with figuring out the best way to love myself. I have so much to offer this world and the people in it. You taught me, by the way you didn't act around me, the way I want a man to act around me. Please know this is no fault of your own and you never let me down, I hope you know this. I just wasn’t your magic and you let me realize how I didn’t have to force every slight interest in my life to be my magic.

Thank you for giving me the chance to empower myself. To be a woman who loves herself just as much as she loves those around her.

Maybe in another lifetime you and I were together and it worked. We could have been something so beautiful; I firmly believe that about us. In this lifetime, though, we did do something beautiful; we were able to choose ourselves, which is the start to everything.

Thank you for being the man who did not choose me. Thank you for being the man who let me go and probably will not think twice about doing so. Thank you for choosing yourself and showing me that it is okay for me to choose myself as well. We both deserve something that is greater than ourselves; we deserve magic. I pray you find yours because you are someone who is so worth being abundantly and fiercely loved. I know my magic is out there and I thank you for letting me go in order to find it.