On Vulnerability

An Open Letter to Vulnerability

By: Brianna Gorman

Vulnerability.

You.

You hurt.

We are taught to welcome you with open arms. I did and you hurt. I was just fine before you came along. You have the audacity to take my world and make it raw; so tender that the moment someone comes along, you expose us bare. You open up the “I’m not good enough” door. You actually let my mind go straight to the conclusion of how I’m not good enough for happiness. How dare you? You let a single touch to the hand feel as though I owe the person across from me the deepest of thoughts. You crave connection and passion with others even if I do not feel we are ready for it yet. You make me capable to think that if I let you into my life, you’ll make those “I would never hurt you” and spontaneous pillow talk conversations at night feel real and genuine. When you come into my life, you are in the driver seat. Do we even get a choice in the matter?

Honestly, I think it is a load of crap. I think you are a load of crap. Why must I let you bare my soul to others if I’m not receiving it in return? Why do you lead me to the inevitable pain of a heartbreak? The morning after a heartbreak I am left swimming in the pain, the aches, and the heaviness of it all. You get out scotch free. You lead us all to this stage of subjection and then once we agree to your terms and actions, you leave just like they did.

Vulnerability.

You.

You do hurt.

But, you also help us grow.

I want to say thank you. Thank you for stripping me down in the moments I felt most comfortable being covered. I wear you like my favorite fall sweater, hoping the cold wind doesn’t sneak through the holes but feeling refreshed when it does. My bare soul, with you, is open to catching everything that passes through me. How could I be mad at you for letting me experience life? It is inevitable that you bring heartbreak. The heartbreak where you are standing somewhere and can feel your body crumbling from weight and nothing can seem to cure. That ache I feel at 2:54pm when I think my mind is occupied is due to you. Thank you for that ache. Without that ache, how am I aware that any of it was real?

You bring me the realness of it all.

You make me an authentic human.

I do not think you are actually a load of crap. I find you to be irritating and pushy but I know you just want me to experience life in the purest form. You show me just how capable of loving I am. You let me share the happiness in my soul with others. I know one day you are going to show me why having you is worth my while. I am going to be staring into the little eyes of my future tiny humans, thanking the Heaven above, for letting you take control of my world. You may hurt now but you have so much joy planned ahead for us and I am so excited for this day.

Vulnerability, even if I were rejected because I let you into the relationship, I would not want the stars to be aligned any other way. I want you by my side because you make love feel the way it should.

Real.

Authentic.

Genuine.

Vulnerability.

You.

You make this all worth it.